Sunday, April 29, 2012

The 28th year

I had someone wish me a happy birthday this year saying "I hope it's the best year yet!" And let me tell you that I do believe it has been!

Recap (because although it's an awesome year...I still can't manage to to care to keep up with regular blogging) because I haven't posted in awhile:

This year I reread the entire Harry Potter series.Oh wait, I do that every year? Yeah, well THIS YEAR...I got two other people to read it for the first time, as well. I am SO proud to have converted two more loyal Harry Potter followers. All of my witnessing and planting of seeds has finally paid off and there will be two more souls in Harry Potter heaven. AND we made an amazing HArry Potter scavenger hunt that really deserves it's own post. Maybe soon.

I decided to color my hair red for the first time and it has been super fun. It really is interesting how different colors look on me now because I changed my hair. Also interesting, or at least humorous is how children react to it: "MISS CATHERINE! You've changed your hair 3 times!!!" "Has your hair always been orange-ish?" And when asked which one they like better, "The last one."

I am helping coach 9-10 year old softball for the first time. It is hilarious. I've learned so much about myself, about parenting and just life through it. First of all, I would MUCH rather be playing than coaching or watching anything...I would much rather do everything FOR people than let someone them try, and I would rather do everything myself and my way in my own life (rather than accept help). I think both of those things mean I have a lot of selfishness and pride deep inside... I would rather do things FOR other people because I think can do it better or at least faster... So? What's wrong with that? It means I believe that I am, and my time is, more important than them learning how or helping them to succeed. I wouldn't have thought I think that way, but these actions point to it...

To paint myself in a little better light, my heart really is to HELP people...I just tend to go about it the wrong way sometimes. This has been hardest for me recently when I can see easy solutions to problems that my friends are having but they aren't ready to see yet. And I can't make them, some people [Me-me-me] have to learn the hard way, learn from their mistakes, or at least in their own time. But man, if I could save my friends, my kids the pain of making those same mistakes...I wish I could! 

"Um, did you know that by holding your hand like that while you're catching your hand can easily get hit by a bat...?" That's something a girl could benefit from being warned about right? Who wants to test that one out for themselves? But she did. And now she has learned...does it HAVE to be so hard? I could tell her all day long about how much it [did] will hurt...But one thing is for sure, she knows it now...I LOVE to fight other people's battles, take up other people's offenses and solve all of the world's problems. The problem is...that that is not my job. What is my job, to love them anyway. To ALLOW them to make their own mistakes and let the Lord use these situations that frustrate me so to teach me to die to myself and any selfishness that there may be in there. Because really, why else do people EVER feel frustrated? Selfishness. MY time is being wasted, MY hard work isn't appreciated...MYMYMY... So though it is SO hard, I'm at least aware and I can ask for God for His help.

My job is AMAZING. I've stayed at it longer than any other job I've had, and it has only gotten better everyday. I absolutely adore the twins and could not be more content to just live each moment with them. It never ceases to amaze me how every child in the universe is unique, it never fails to blow me away at how they grow and develop and change. I always say that crawlers are my favorite, and they are, but when their receptive language takes off and they can understand me way before they can utter a word of their own. It's an everyday wonder. I love love love being recognized and LOVED by small people. I love that they get really excited to see me when I walk in a room. I think writers who first used the phrase "their eyes lit up" must've had babies. Their faces just light up when they are happy about something. How can you NOT smile when they smile and their giggles...I think they TRY to kill me with the cuteness. It is irresistable. 

A book I just finished reading, although I wasn't the biggest fan of the rest of it, had a phrase that really stood out to me: "Living the tempo of this God-breathed life." And I think I really embrace this lifestyle she was describing. I also feel like it is like the locals in St. Simons say, living on "Island Time." The way I think about both of them in regards to my own life is being relaxed and content with whatever happens in my day. I like to think about things that I used to see as "interruptions" "bad timing" "inconveniences" that I now try and see differently. It could be called positive thinking, it could be hyper spiritualizing things...but I feel like I'm moving more and more toward that end of the spectrum anyway...because I believe that EVERYthing happens for a reason and God is orchestrating even the TINIEST details of our lives. 

The other day I had this strange kind of made my chest hurt, like my heart was going to explode and I was in danger of tears...because I loved "everything" so much... I decided it was joy. It's like that math theory the sum of the parts don't equal the whole...I could list all of the things I love about each day, about my life, but it wouldn't seem as extraordinarily wonderful as it is. But life is wonderful, and I am enjoying this 28th year.