Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Bad day and bad mood

I am in a bad mood. I have had a bad day. I have kind of had a bad week. But today...First, the babies that I keep during the day came an hour earlier than usual—at 9. I went to bed about 11:30 last night and woke up READY to go at 6:30. I had breakfast and then went back to sleep until the arrived…so by then I was groggy again…sleep is ever a mystery to me…

So morning went by alright, 9, 10, the 10 week old slept a little, until 11:50, and Ashlyn was fine. She ate breakfast and watched Sesame Street and other kid TV…and then T-bone was up. Soon after he was up, he was hungry. Seeing as how he won’t take a bottle at all his mom has to come back and feed him mid-day which USUALLY is fine…except today he had an extra hour to be STARVING since they came an hour early. His mom is usually back around 12:45 but today at 12:30 I texted her and asked how close she was because he had completely lost his mind already. She called and we decided to meet so he could eat a little sooner than if we just waited on her to arrive. As soon as we got in the car he stopped screaming and began to sob a little more quietly. By the time we reached Chick-fil-a he was ok until the food supply came.

Ashlyn played on the playground, slammed her fingers in the door, would only eat a few bites and only for her mom and was beginning to get tired…it was after all almost 2 PM! It was already a long morning and listening to a baby scream is about the most stressful thing ever, especially knowing I really can’t do anything for him. And THIS baby in particular also happens to hate me…so it isn’t just crying, it is a full-fledged-fingers-and-toes-flayed-out-arms-over-head-whole-body-stiff-SCREAMING. I feel like Rachel on Friends but I swear he’s SCREAMING “I HATE YOU!”

As we drove home he fell asleep in the car and I transferred him inside. I put Ashlyn down for her nap and I thought how wonderful the afternoon had just become…for 45 minutes. Then Tommy was awake. Ashlyn continued her sleeping for exactly 2 hours as she always does. Tommy was squirmy and uncomfortable seeming most of the time he was awake. THEN he pooped. It was absolutely disgusting. It looked like a yellowish-orange-paint spill or cheap-honey-mustardy-gooey-yogurty-ness. It luckily didn’t smell…but it took me forever to get…him…clean. Then he continued to be difficult. It just wasn’t a good day for him. He finally progressed to his screaming about the time Ashlyn woke up. I interrupted her afternoon snack, threw her in the car with the screaming wonder and we drove laps around the loop. Tommy fell asleep and Ashlyn “sang” (and by sang I mean screamed and screeched and made weird noises and sounds) along with the music. Finally we met their mom back at the house and she took them AWAY. I was wiped…and thought 9 am would come way too soon tomorrow…I am just SO ready to have children at a place where children belong...not my house. And I am ready to get out of my house. And have the children be on the same schedule, same age, etc.

I sat and talked with my roommate and heard all about her awful day and just continued to be mad at EVERYONE. I just get really mad!!! This life basically sucks! Then I checked facebook and one of my friends statuses said, “Congratulations Carriage House Realty!!!! You have joined Atlanta traffic, fire ants, the color orange…, and terrorists as things I absolutely loathe.....” and it inspired me to write a list of things I absolutely loathe…or even dislike…which has turned into a long blog post since I was already in a bad mood. I hate everything.

So I started making my list and decided that I hate so many things that I would have to put them in categories…foods I hate, people I hate, movies and TV I hate, especially kids shows I hate, behavior I hate, words I hate, songs I hate, businesses and organizations that I hate, etc…and that just kind of took the fun out of it. William’s was just so well said that I wanted to do it too…but instead I’ve decided not to…also because some of the things I say that I hate make me sound like an awful person and I’m really not. So that’s all I guess. A little vent post…

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

The temperature in heaven?

Have you ever wondered what the temperature will be like in heaven? I, being a person who is rarely satisfied with a temperature, often do. If I am the slightest bit cold it kind of hurts me. I can't really describe it. It is more than just a little uncomfortable. Then I feel irritable and I can't concentrate on anything except how uncomfortable I am.

Also there is the fact that having to wear a lot of clothes simply annoys me. I hate layering, I hate having to wear jackets or coats and socks. I would prefer to wear flip flops and dresses everyday of my life. I could tolerate jackets and coats for a very short time, when it is not actually very cold to anyone else, and get to wear the winter and fall outfits I actually really like...but then I am ready for summer again.

I think the problem is that my temperature sensitivity is just screwed up. If I am a good temperature, everyone else is hot. If everyone else is comfortable, I am likely to be cold. If it is cold to anyone else, I am freezing and if I am actually hot, you KNOW it is hot (or I am sick.) So, if heaven is perfect, and I believe it will be, there is not pain or sadness or crying in heaven, then I believe the temperature will be perfect as well...because if it isn't I might be sad, or in pain...or irritated...and I won't be those things in heaven.

BUT how is THAT going to work? Will my body just finally be normal? Will we all be made the same, completely comfortable at the same temperature, God's favorite temperature? Or will everyone FEEL their own personal favorite temperature? Like will I always feel like it is 78 to 80 degrees...and Ashley always be cool enough, and Carrie always warm? I am so intrigued! Or, and I would be a little disappointed by this option...will the temperature always be changing, like it does here, with the seasons, according to different climates--and we just not care? Not feel it or not notice or care? I would REALLY like some insight and opinions on this if anyone cares to share...even if it is expressing your thought that I am wasting my time thinking about these kinds of things, I'm ok with that!