Saturday, January 21, 2012

Tangled

Ahhh...it's almost Spring! I somehow missed February all-together it seems!

I did enjoy an excellent few weeks of warmer bouts of weather, a Valentine's week FULL of love, an interesting weekend with er...my favorite child-pre-teen-teen trio...which in itself threw me into these where does time go wonderings...

Valentine's Day--one of my favorite holidays, I had a fun date including flowers and chocolate--and I tried (and loved Calamari) for the first time.

I got a LARGE cupcake from my littlest Valentines and some yummy chocolate covered strawberries (and tootsie rolls and twizzlers...) and love notes from my favorite girls. Apparently one of the reasons they love me is because I let them stay up late... [WHICH I do not ACTUALLY let them do...I just say this about 50 times each week, "No, it's too late, no, it's already, like 15 minutes past your bedtime!!! It's so late!" usually in regards to finishing a movie, reading more books, sharpening a pencil RIGHT then because it absolutely cannot wait until FIRST THING in the morning, or any other number of unreasonable stay-up-longer tactics... (You are going to SLEEP, you do not need that pencil sharpened RIGHT now...) but often I am a pushover and they do stay up a LITTLE late.

But how do you stay strong when they also say they love you because "She wooks boo-tiful" and she "writes us pictures"? When they look at you with HUGE blue eyes and a large bow in their hair and ask, "Miss Cafin, can you sweep wif me?" and then they absentmindedly stroke your head like a little mommy and kiss you...and then they intentionally smack you on the head with a stuffed animal's paw and say in surprise, "Oh! Piggy! Careful!" it's so funny!

How do kids grow? How does it happen so fast? HOW does it even happen right before our very eyes? When you run across clothes that they wore everyday for a season...and they look like they might fit a doll now in comparison. When they used to say wook, wuv, and wowwypop...and now say look, love and l-l-wowwypop :)
How does it happen that you continue to talk to what seems like just yourself and you look down and the babies are nodding or shaking their head correctly in answer to your question--or DOING what you suggested you do, "let's get our shoes and we can go outside" and the next thing you know they've disappeared and returned with their tiny shoes!


Where do the cheeks go? The thighs? The rolls? My babies are GROWN. My first babies are in COLLEGE...and some kids that I have poured my life into in the last 15 years have no idea who I am. Face it, when you keep babies, unless you stay with them, oh forever...they'll never even remember you.

I'm having my 10 year highschool reunion this summer...and WHERE did the time go?

Surely that;s where all of this is coming from...and the passage of time how quickly is accellerates almost as I get older...I really think its a phenomenon that I wish I could prove and get rich off of...

Maybe it's because of how I organize my life, when its boiled down to monthly reports and weekly everything and the days turn to weeks which turn to months and years all the more quick...THAT way, not like college when everyday is different and you have several different lives and schedules and never sleep so the time just goes on and on forever...same like when you are a child and you just have no concept of the passage of time (because you change activities every 15 minutes anyway so of course you can do a million things in one day and endless summer days go on and on...

Maybe its how I cope, I countdown...I count down hours until I'll be finished at work, I countdown hours until I get to go to bed, I wake up and countdown the hours until I get to go back to bed...I just make it through the work week to weekend again...every...week...and just 4 weeks and it will be...
2012...
March...
Summer...
WARM...
THEN I will savor life, THEN I will at least be OK. And I countdown the years of my life.

My last job had me doing reports 3 times a day, at the end of each week and the huge monthly report...time FLEW. It felt like it was all I could do to finish (and recover) from one month when it was time to begin the next one. Its been 14 mo. since I've moved back here...It's been 21 months(!!!) Since I moved away from Athens...2 years since I FINISHED at LP...4 years since I've been finished with college (don't do the math)...almost 4 years since I've been to Jamaica for a month...since I've been out of the country...and 10 YEARS since I've been FINISHED with Highschool! And all I can think of is the song from Tangled, "When Will My Life Begin?"

"And I keep wonderin' and wonderin' and wonderin' and wonderin' when will my life begin...?"

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